11 RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN
By wakeup-world.com - Jack Adam Weber
For many, intimate relationship is not easy, at all. For all the excitement of attraction and attachment, we also get stirred up, hurt, neurotic, frustrated, stressed, and challenged to the max. Whether it’s longing, disagreements, misunderstandings, or simply our own unhealed emotions surfacing, it’s helpful to have some tools to navigate the tricky and tempestuous turns of deeply loving and being loved by another human being.
When the Shit Hits the Fan…
1) Practice Vulnerability:
Defensiveness creates blocks against communication and honesty. What we hold in secret hinders our path of loving. Being vulnerable to hear what is being communicated allows process and clearing to happen in communication, which frees up our hearts once again for intimacy and the experience of feel-good connection.
We all get hurt in love, sometime. Learning to accept the inevitable pain that comes with loving someone else, and being loved by them, helps us accept reality and one another, as well as the good that comes with the bad. Defending against difficult and painful truths makes everything worse. Vulnerably and courageously opening to one another and our respective aches makes it better.
2) Ask Questions:
When someone asks you a question, especially one that penetrates and triggers you, take a deep breath and assume it’s as a request for information. If you react or get defensive, look into why you became defensive. Are you afraid to feel or see something true, to reveal something to yourself or to them? Questioning is how we learn about one another and discover the truth. Don’t assume you know what’s true about someone else. Ask questions; try to hear the truth and be careful about defensively not believing what you hear. Doing so creates conflict. Defending against questioning promotes more assumptions and misunderstandings. When wondering about, or assuming, something your partner has done or does, ask question/s first to get the facts straight. (For more on this topic, please read my article The Art of Listening: Inquiry vs. Argument.)
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